I’ve been reflecting a lot lately, and I realize that being too permissive with my 4 year old is catching up to me. For a long time, I gave in because it was easier in the moment, less crying, fewer tantrums, and honestly, I felt guilty saying no. But now, it’s clear that the lack of limits has made them expect things to go their way all the time. If I say no, they either melt down or get really angry.
I’m trying to work on it. I’ve started small: screen time limits, asking for things politely, saying no and actually sticking to it. Some days it goes okay, other days it’s a full, on battle. What’s helping a little is reminding myself over and over that structure is love. But it’s hard not to feel like the bad guy, especially when the tears come.
Has anyone else struggled with this? I’d love to hear how you handled the shift from permissive to more structured parenting
Totally been there I was super lenient with my first, mostly out of guilt from working long hours. He was 5 when I realized I wasn’t doing him any favors by always saying yes or trying to avoid conflict The shift to structure was so hard at first, but over time, it seriously helped his behavior and confidence It’s like once they know the limits, they can actually relax a bit, even if they fight it at first I still struggle with the crying sometimes esp if I’m tired or stressed but what helped me was prepping myself before saying no, deep breath remind myself why I’m doing it You’re not alone in this, and the fact that you’re already making small changes is huge
This is sooo familiar We’re trying to rein things in too and I swear the tantrums have leveled up since we started Like were they always this dramatic?? I also feel stuck between I want to be kind and understanding and I’m raising a tiny dictator. 
We’re working on the same kind of stuff saying please, fewer treats, more no but the pushback is real How long did it take before you saw any change at all? I keep wondering if we’re doing something wrong or if it just takes time…
I really admire how self-aware you are, and I just want to say it does get better. We had a super similar situation with our youngest She was used to being babied and kind of ruled the roost at age 3, 4 Setting limits felt awful at first, like I was crushing her spirit, but over time, she’s actually become more cooperative and confident. The tantrums didn’t vanish overnight, but by being calm and consistent ugh, the hardest part, she slowly started understanding the boundaries. One thing that helped was giving choices within limits, like, You can pick your PJs but it’s bedtime now so she felt some control without running the show Keep going, you’re building something solid even if it feels shaky now
Reading your post reminded me of when my son was 3 I parented with guilt for a long time: a single mom tired, just trying to keep the peace. I didn’t want to see him upset so I gave in a lot. A few years later, I had a very sweet but very demanding 5 year old who couldn’t stand to hear no. It took us a whole year to slowly reestablish boundaries. It was hard there’s no going back
What worked for me was being crystal clear with him: This is the rule and I love you too much to let you have everything you want. I stopped over explaining and negotiating I just remained kind but firm