I’m the mom of an 11 year old boy and I’ve been stressing about when or how to start the conversation about sex. Some other moms told me their kids already know what porn is! I’m not even sure if my son knows or if I should ask. Should I, as a parent, bring up things like masturbation, relationships, and all of that? Or is it better to wait until he comes to me? I don’t want to do it too early and confuse him but I also don’t want him learning things from the wrong sources. Any advice on the right time to talk about this?
I’m right there with you. My son is 12 now and I had the exact same worries. I didn’t know if I should bring it up or wait for him to ask questions. What helped me was starting small talking about consent and respect first, then slowly bringing in more complex topics like relationships and masturbation. I kept it open ended like asking if he ever heard things at school or on YouTube that he might be curious about? That gave him the space to ask me without it feeling awkward. It’s so hard to strike that balance between being proactive and not overwhelming them but I’ve learned that little conversations over time are more effective than one big talk.
Honestly, you’re not alone, it’s such a tricky thing to navigate. We want to protect them but also equip them with the right knowledge. It feels like kids are exposed to so much so early these days and it’s overwhelming. I haven’t even started the conversation with my 10 yr old yet because I’m still figuring out how to approach it without freaking him out or saying too much. It’s a lot to manage.
I went through this with my older daughter and I found that starting with body autonomy made the whole thing easier. I framed it as “knowing about your body and respecting other people’s bodies.” That opened the door to more natural conversations about relationships, boundaries, and even touchy topics like masturbation. With my 11 year old son I also mentioned that it’s normal to be curious and hear things from friends, but I made sure he knew he could always come to me with questions. I think it’s helpful to normalize the conversation early, even if it feels uncomfortable. That way, when they hear or see things, it won’t feel like forbidden territory. And yes, talk about pornit’s out there, and they might stumble upon it. Better they hear about it from you first.