I wonder if I’m reading too much into recent behavior changes in my 11 year old. He’s a bit more withdrawn. I want to support him without making it a big deal because I want him to keep being open, so I don’t want to push him too much. Any advice on how to balance giving him space and showing I care?
Keep an eye out and gently try to talk to him, consistently. Puberty is tough for both kids and parents.
My son started acting the same way at that age. I’ve learned to let him come to me when he’s ready and keep an eye out as said above. It’s hard, but it works.
My 11 year old is the same, like a turtle retreating into their shell.
Same here with my kid! I can’t figure out if it’s hormones, school stress, or just their personality changing. Do you notice these changes more after school, or is it all the time? I’ve been wondering how much of it is just being overwhelmed.
My oldest went through something similar. I felt like I was losing the open relationship we had, but I realized that wasn’t true. They need more independence at this stage, but they also still crave our support. I found it helpful to do small things like having a casual chat during car rides or over a snack without it necessarily being a “serious” conversation. Me showing myself as relaxed I think helped him to open up on his own terms
Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I think I’ve been overthinking it a bit. I’ll try to back off while keeping an open door for him to come to me. I really like the idea of connecting over low pressure activities. I appreciate the support, it helps to know this is normal!
One thing that worked for us was spending intentional time together doing low pressure activities like cooking or playing video games. It’s amazing how much they’ll share when the focus isn’t on having a talk.
Another tip: avoid judgment or overreacting when they do open up. My daughter once shared something shocking, and she later told me that my calm reaction helped her feel safe. Your son might not say much at first, but the consistency of being there builds trust.
My 11 year old is the same, like a turtle retreating into their shell.
My son is 12 now, but 11 was when I really noticed him pulling back. I panicked at first and kept asking if something was wrong, but it made him shut down more. A friend suggested I check in during calm moments without expecting a deep conversation with stuff like: let me know if you need anything or everything all right?
Sometimes he’d shrug, other times he’d give me a little insight. We also started asking for his opinion on things like family plans or what movie to watch (we should have honestly started that before) which we think has helped build trust. You’ve got this. He still needs you, even if it looks different now.
Hang in there, it gets better. This phase is tough, but it’s also when they start figuring out who they are.