I felt my blood boil. I took a deep breath, but inside, I was about to explode. How is this possible?
In the car, he was staring out the window, blocking my gaze. What happened? I said firmly. Silence. I asked you a question! Nothing. I parked and turned to him. Did you hit another kid?
Turns out the other kid took a toy from him, and my son reacted with his fists. You can’t go around hitting people when you don’t like something! I said, louder than I meant to His lip trembled.
this happened to me with my daughter last year. First time ever getting a note home from school, and I felt like I had failed as a parent. I was so embarrassed, so angry, so overwhelmed. We had always talked about using words instead of hands, and yet, there we were. It took me a few days to realize she was just learning. Kids don’t come pre, programmed to handle frustration well. We started practicing different ways to react when she got upset, and it helped. You’re not alone!
My kid used to hit when she got mad too. We started practicing scenarios at home, what to do when someone takes your toy, what to say when you feel upset. It helped her feel more prepared in the moment instead of just reacting. Maybe try acting it out with stuffed animals or action figures. It makes it fun but still teaches the lesson
Oh man, I’ve been exactly where you are. My son was in kindergarten when I got the dreaded your kid hurt someone call. I was mortified. And angry. And confused. He’s always been sweet at home, so I couldn’t wrap my head around it. But after talking to him, I realized he didn’t even know what to do when he felt big emotions. It was like his body reacted before he even had time to think. We worked on talking about feelings at home, reading books about emotions, and role, playing different scenarios. It took time, but he got better at it. Hang in there, it’s a process.
I hear you. The first time I got a call like that, I wanted to crawl under a rock. It’s so hard not to feel judged, like the teachers and other parents think you’re raising a little monster. But the truth is, all kids are learning. Some just need more guidance. Don’t beat yourself up too much
I don’t even know what the right response is when this happens. Like, how do we teach them to stand up for themselves without resorting to violence? My daughter is super sensitive, and I worry she’ll just get walked all over if I only tell her to “use her words.” But then I see other kids who go straight to hitting, and I don’t want her to be on the receiving end of that either. It’s so hard to find the balance. What are you thinking of doing moving forward?
Something that really helped in our house was teaching our son a “pause button.” We taught him to stop, take a deep breath, and count to three before reacting when he gets upset. We even practiced it with little games at home, making it silly so he’d remember in the moment. It took time, but eventually, he started doing it at school too. Teachers even noticed the improvement. Might be worth trying!
One thing that helped us a lot was using social stories. Basically, we made little picture books with simple words that showed what to do when you’re angry instead of hitting. We’d read them before bed or whenever he had a tough day. It helped reinforce the idea in a way that stuck with him. If he started getting upset, I’d remind him of the story, and he’d remember to walk away or use his words instead. You could try making one with your son and let him help create the solutions so he feels more involved
Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself or your son He’s still figuring out how to handle frustration, and yeah, hitting isn’t okay, but it’s something he can learn from. You’re already having the hard conversation, and that’s what matters. He’ll get there, especially with you guiding him!