Hi everyone, I’m really struggling with a situation involving my 9-year-old. He’s usually a kind and respectful kid, but recently he’s been having trouble with our neighbor, another boy around his age. They used to be good friends but drifted apart, and now this other boy calls my son names and keeps bothering him. My son would ask him politely to stop, but last week things escalated. After being called names again, and after asking him to stop to no avail, my son pushed him, and the neighbor fell. Now the boy’s parents are blaming my son, saying he’s aggressive and violent.
Here’s the thing my son told me he felt like pushing him was the right thing to do because he was fed up. I’m confused and don’t know how to approach this. I don’t want to teach him that violence is okay, but I also understand his frustration. How do I discipline him and handle this situation with the neighbors? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Ugh, that’s rough. My daughter was labeled “bossy” in her class after standing up to a kid who kept picking on her. It’s heartbreaking when people only see the reaction, not the buildup. Sometimes it feels like we’re stuck in a lose-lose situation as parents. Just know you’re not alone in this. Kids are learning, and so are we.
Eric, I totally get where you’re coming from. My son had a fallout with his best friend, and things turned ugly fast. They’d been so close that it was hard to see them fighting. It’s a tough balance, teaching our kids to stand up for themselves without resorting to physical reactions. One thing that helped us was role-playing different scenarios at home. I’d pretend to be the bully, and we’d practice ways he could respond sometimes with humor, sometimes by walking away.
Also, I had a sit-down with the other parent. It was awkward, but I framed it as “how can we work together to help our kids get along?” It didn’t solve everything overnight, but it did open up a dialogue. Maybe try that? At the end of the day, it’s about helping our kids navigate tough social dynamics while keeping their self-respect intact.
I’ve been in your shoes, Eric. My older son is 13 now, but when he was around your son’s age, he went through something similar. The thing is, kids at this stage are figuring out how to manage conflicts, and sometimes they’ll push boundaries in ways we don’t expect. One thing I found super helpful was teaching my son the “stop, walk, talk” method: tell the person to stop, walk away if they don’t, and talk to an adult if it continues.
It also helps to involve your son in making amends. Maybe he could write a short note to the neighbor, apologizing for pushing but also explaining how he felt leading up to that moment. It’s a way to take accountability while also advocating for himself. Don’t beat yourself up over this these moments, while tough, are great opportunities for growth. Hang in there!
It’ll get better with time. You’re doing the right thing by addressing it now.
Have you talked to your son about how he felt afterward? Did he regret it, or does he still think it was the right call?
Oh wow, this hits close to home. My son went through something similar last year. Kids at this age can be so mean, and it’s hard to teach them when to stand their ground and when to walk away. We ended up having a long talk about how sometimes people will push our buttons, and while we can’t control them, we can control how we respond. Maybe explain to your son that it’s okay to feel angry, but there are better ways to channel that anger. Also, try talking to the other boy’s parents calmly it might help them see your side.
Thanks so much for all the input.