Hey everyone, I’m really at a loss here. My 9 yo, who has always been such a sweet, funny, and special kid, has started lashing out. Recently, he even said something hurtful to me, and it just…really hurt. This behavior is so new and I’m not sure what’s happening or how to handle it. I know he’s still the same amazing kid but this side of him is confusing and painful to deal with. Any advice on how to discipline gently, or thoughts on what could be going on? I’m just feeling lost. Thanks.
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Oh, I’ve been there. My son went through something so similar… It was so surprising because he had always been so kind and loving. I remember how painful it felt when he first snapped at me too. From what I understand, they’re beginning to test boundaries as they become more aware of themselves, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Hang in there, this phase doesn’t last forever.
Totally get what you’re going through. It’s hard but trust that this is a part of him growing up. They’re learning to express themselves and sometimes do it poorly. Try to focus on communicating with him, acknowledge his feelings and then set firm, gentle boundaries. You’ll both get through this!
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Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, they throw you a curveball. 
I swear, 9 was one of the trickiest ages for us. They’re just discovering who they are, and sometimes that means testing boundaries in not so great ways.
Oh, I get that hurt. My kiddo hit me with a mean comment once and I was crushed. I know they don’t mean to hurt us but it’s so tough to handle. I don’t have much advice, just here to say I understand the pain.
We had a similar phase with our son last year. What’s helped us was sitting down to talk about emotions not just when he was upset but during calm times too. We’d talk about ways he could express himself without hurting others. I also gave myself a lot of grace, knowing it’s a learning process for both of us. I promise you’re not alone, it’s such a common phase. 
I’m honestly dealing with something similar and it’s been so hard to find the right balance. Do you think it’s maybe school stress, or just growing pains? I feel like every day is a new battle lately. Would love to hear what others are doing!
I have an older son and let me tell you, this age can be so challenging. They’re stuck between still needing you and wanting independence, so they end up lashing out sometimes. It’s hard, but you’re doing great by caring and looking for ways to handle it gently. Keep reminding him that you’re there for him, even if he’s upset. Also, don’t be afraid to set clear boundaries, kids need them.
When my son went through this, I started using what I call positive discipline. It’s about calmly addressing the behavior, letting them know how it made you feel, and talking about ways they can communicate differently next time. For instance try saying: when you said ___, it hurt my feelings and the way you treated me is unacceptable. Is there another way you could let me know you’re upset? It took some practice, but eventually, it really worked.