He’s 3 years old, and I know he’s going through a rough patch, but when he does something that’s not right, I freeze because I don’t want to yell at him or make him cry. The other day he threw his plate of food on the floor because he didn’t want to eat, and instead of correcting him, I just silently picked it up because I didn’t know what to do. Afterwards, he looked at me like nothing happened, and it made me think: Am I teaching him something? I feel caught between wanting him to understand boundaries and not hurting his feelings. I read that positive reinforcement is key, so now I try to acknowledge when he does something right, but I still have a hard time knowing how to react when he misbehaves. I don’t want him to feel like I’m being harsh or permissive. Any tips? I feel so stuck
Oh wow, I’ve been there. My little one is almost 4 now, and let me tell you, the threes have been a ride. It’s such a tricky balance, you want to teach them without crushing their little spirits. When my kiddo threw something once, I tried calmly saying, “We don’t throw food. If you don’t want it, you can say no thank you,” and then gave them a chance to help clean it up. It’s not perfect, but over time, it’s gotten better. Hang in there, mama
I’ve had some success using the “sit and connect” strategy when my 3 year old acts out. If they throw something or hit, I’ll sit down with them at their eye level, hold their hands gently, and say something like, “Throwing food isn’t okay. If you’re upset, you can tell me with words.” Then I’ll offer them a way to make it right, like helping clean up. Positive reinforcement is great, but natural consequences work too. If they throw their plate, maybe they don’t get more until they’re ready to eat. It’s hard, but consistency is key!
I feel this so much. I swear, some days I just sit and wonder if I’m doing anything right. My kiddo did the same thing the other day with LEGOs, just chucked them across the room. I froze too. It’s so tough when you don’t want to come down too hard but also know you need to do something
You’re doing great, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now! The fact that you’re thinking about how to approach discipline shows how much you care. It gets easier with time, I promise. My 6 year old used to have those moments too, and now they actually apologize when they make a mess. It’s all about building the habit
I’ve totally been the mom picking up food in silence while my toddler watches like they’re a king on a throne. Once, mine even clapped after throwing spaghetti! I’m still figuring it out, but just know you’re not alone in this chaos
As a mom of three (my oldest is 9), I’ve learned that toddlers thrive on consistency. When my kids were that age, I made a point of setting clear boundaries with simple language: “Food stays on the plate.” If they didn’t follow, I’d remove the food for a short time and calmly explain why. It’s not easy, and I’ve had my share of “pick it up silently” moments too, but it’s a phase. You’re doing fine, mama!
Thank you all so much for these replies. It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone in this. I love the idea of calmly explaining and offering ways to make things right. I think I’ll try sitting with him and talking it through next time instead of just reacting. I really appreciate this community’s support. Parenting is hard, but this makes it feel a little less overwhelming
Have you tried using visual cues or timers? My 3 year old responds really well to seeing things, like a chart with rules or a timer for transitions. When they’re upset or act out, I try redirecting them. For example, “You’re upset, but we don’t throw food. Let’s draw a picture of how you feel.” It’s not foolproof, but it’s helped cut down on those “freeze” moments.
The fact that you’re trying to balance discipline and love says so much about the kind of mom you are. When my little one was that age, I struggled with the same thing. One thing that worked for me was labeling their feelings: “I see you’re frustrated because you don’t like this food.” Then I’d give them an alternative, like, “You can tell me you’re done instead of throwing it.” It’s not perfect, but they’re learning every day