It wasn’t just a simple fit of anger… he threw himself on the ground, punched the grass, and screamed that he didn’t want to play anymore. Everyone was watching. I tried to calm him down, but he refused to listen. It was embarrassing, but more than that, it broke my heart. I know he’s competitive, but this was extreme.
After the game, he was still in a bad mood, kicking rocks in the parking lot and ignoring me when I spoke. At home, anything set him off. I offered him breakfast, and he refused.
I’m worried. I don’t want him to feel like his worth is tied to winning, but I don’t know how to help him handle frustration in a healthier way. How do I teach him that losing is okay?
Oh wow, this brings back memories. My son was exactly like this at 8! Super competitive, and any loss felt like the end of the world to him. I remember one time at a baseball game, he struck out and refused to leave the dugout for the rest of the match. He was inconsolable.
What helped us was making a conscious effort to praise effort over outcome. We started having post-game chats about what he did well instead of focusing on the score. We also started pointing out how even pro athletes lose games and move on. Over time, he got better at handling losses. It wasn’t overnight, but he eventually stopped seeing it as a personal failure.
It’s tough to watch, but you’re doing great just by noticing and wanting to help!
This is so hard, but I promise, it does get better! At 8, kids feel things so intensely. Losing feels like the end of the world because they don’t yet have the perspective to see the bigger picture.
You’re already doing the right thing by looking for ways to help him through it. Keep modeling resilience, talking about effort over results, and helping him see that even great players miss goals. He’ll get there
Oof, I feel this. My kid is 6 and gets really down on himself when he messes up. How do you handle it in the moment? Like, do you talk to him right away or wait until later? I sometimes feel like anything I say in the heat of the moment makes it worse
I’ve been through this stage, and I promise, he’s not the only kid who reacts this way. My oldest is 12 now and used to have similar meltdowns when he lost or made mistakes in sports. He grew out of it, but only because we actively worked on it.
Here’s what helped:
Normalize mistakes! We talked a lot about how errors help us grow.
Watch games together and point out when pros miss shots or lose. Seeing their reactions helped him understand that setbacks happen.
Role, playing scenarios where he had to lose at something and respond appropriately. It took practice!
Big one: No post-game breakdowns in the heat of the moment. We always waited until he was calm.
You’re already on the right track. Just keep guiding him, and this too shall pass
My kid struggled with this, too, and we had to work hard to help him reframe his thinking. Here are some strategies that really worked for us:
Label the Emotion: Instead of saying It’s okay, acknowledge what he’s feeling. l can see you’re really frustrated that you missed that goal. Kids need to know their emotions are valid before they can manage them.
Teach Self, Talk: We practiced saying things like, i can try again, or Even the best players miss sometimes. At first, he rolled his eyes, but eventually, he started using them on his own.
Use a Cool, Down Plan: We worked on a simple plan for when he felt overwhelmed. Taking deep breaths, counting to 10, or even walking to the sideline for water helped break the emotional cycle.
He’s 10 now and handles losses so much better. Hang in there!
It’s so hard to watch them struggle. My kid also takes losses really hard, and sometimes, I just want to crawl into a hole when he has a public meltdown. No advice, just sending you solidarity
Oh man, competitive kids are something else. My son once lost at uno and declared he was never playing again. Next day? Begged me for a rematch.
I think at this age, they’re still learning that losing doesn’t mean they’re bad at something. But let’s be real, their reactions can be dramatic. I’ve had to stop myself from laughing more than once (which, of course, would make things worse).
Hang in there. Someday, we’ll look back on these moments and laugh… hopefully
Wow, I didn’t expect so much support! Thank you all for sharing your experiences and advice. It really helps to know I’m not alone. I love the idea of praising effort over results, and I’m going to start pointing out when pros lose games. Also, waiting to talk when he’s calm sounds like a game-changer.
I’m going to try some of these strategies and see what works for him. Seriously, this community is the best. 