The other day at practice, my 10 year old son had a tough moment. He’s always so passionate about soccer, and I love seeing how much effort he puts into it. But this time, he was in a one-on-one in front of the goal. He had everything lined up to score, and… he missed. That’s when I saw a side of him that worried me. He threw the ball hard, crossed his arms, and refused to keep playing. I could tell he was devastated, like it was the end of the world for him. Watching him from the bench, I just felt bad because I know how much he hates making mistakes. Any advice on how I can help him deal with these moments better?
Ugh, I can totally feel your concern here. My son is also super competitive, and when things don’t go his way, it’s like a storm cloud rolls in. I’ve found that when he cools off, he’s usually more open to talking about it. Maybe after practice, you can have a heart, to, heart with him, not about the missed goal, but about how everyone, even the best players, make mistakes. Hang in there; you’re not alone!
My daughter, who’s now 12, used to react the same way during her basketball games. She’s always been her toughest critic, and at 10, every missed shot felt like the end of the world to her. What worked for us was teaching her to focus on effort over outcome. We’d say, “Did you give it your all? Then that’s what matters.” We also started watching games together to point out how even pro athletes miss shots and keep going. Over time, she learned to brush it off faster. He’ll get there, I promise, it just takes time and patience
Hey, this is such a common thing with kids his age who are competitive. It’s actually a sign that he’s passionate, which is a good thing! I know it feels intense now, but these moments are teaching him resilience. If he can learn that failure is just a part of getting better, he’ll develop such a strong mindset. Maybe talk to him about how every great athlete faces setbacks and misses. He’ll come around, don’t worry. You’re doing great just by being there for him!
My youngest went through something similar during her gymnastics competitions. What helped us was reframing her mindset with something we call “the bounce-back plan.” After a rough moment, we’d ask: “What did you learn from this?” and “What’s one thing you want to try next time?” It shifted the focus from the mistake to the growth. Also, we encouraged her to set small goals, like “I’ll take a deep breath before the next play.” It’s not instant, but over time it helped her handle tough moments much better. Maybe something similar could work for your son?
Thanks so much for the advice, everyone! I love the idea of focusing on effort over outcome and helping him reflect on what he can learn. I’ll also try showing him examples of pro athletes bouncing back from mistakes, I think he’d really connect with that. He’s definitely his biggest critic, so I just want him to know that it’s okay to mess up sometimes. I’ll talk to him after his next practice and see how it goes. You’ve all given me a lot to think about. 
Oh, I’ve been through this with my oldest, he’s 17 now and plays varsity basketball. When he was your son’s age, we faced many meltdowns over missed plays. One thing I learned is to let them process their frustration without jumping in too fast. Give him a little space after practice, then approach him when he’s calmer. I’d also recommend talking to his coach. Sometimes hearing from a trusted adult who isn’t a parent can help kids put things into perspective. It takes time, but if you keep encouraging him and modeling how to handle mistakes, he’ll grow into a much more resilient player, and person