The other day, a child fell and instead of going over to see if he was okay, my son just kept playing as if nothing happened. When I asked him why he didn’t help, he just told me it wasn’t his problem. That really made me wonder, am I failing to teach him to put himself in other people’s shoes? I try to show him by example. I talk to him about the feelings of others and about being kind. But sometimes, it feels like he just doesn’t care. And that worries me a lot! I want him to be a child who understands others, who knows that his actions affect those around him. But I just don’t know how to help him. Any advice on how to raise a more empathetic child?
It’s tough, Lindsay. My daughter went through a phase like this too, where she just didn’t seem to care when other kids were upset. I think it’s all part of their emotional development, though. They have to learn how to feel for others, and sometimes it takes a bit longer
I think the fact that you’re noticing this and caring about it shows you’re doing great! Sometimes, kids that age are just more focused on themselves and their immediate environment. I’ve found that talking to my son after situations like this helps, like, we’ll sit down, and I’ll explain how it makes people feel when someone gets hurt and no one checks on them. I also roleplay scenarios with him, like “What would you do if your friend dropped their toy?” I’ve seen little improvements with empathy after we did that. It might take a bit of time, but I believe it helps!
I totally hear you, Lindsay. My son was the same at that age. He just didn’t seem to understand the idea of empathy at all, especially at daycare. It worried me, too. What worked for us was me explaining feelings through stories, books were a huge hit! I also started pointing out emotions when we were watching TV or movies. For example, “Look, that character is sad. Do you think their friend can help?” It slowly clicked for him. It can feel frustrating, but I promise, with time, they do get it!
I really get how much this must be worrying you, Lindsay. I went through the same thing with my daughter, and I honestly felt like I was failing as a mom. What helped me was to focus on really breaking down what empathy is in ways that a 5-year-old can grasp. I started asking her how she would feel if someone did the same thing to her, like, “If you were hurt and no one helped you, how would you feel?” We also started to make a point of being really intentional with our actions at home. When I would ask her to help me with something, I’d say, “Could you help me out because I might be feeling tired or need your support.” We also did a lot of modeling of emotions. I’d express when I was sad or happy, so she could begin to recognize feelings in others. It took time, but now she’s much more aware of how others feel and is much kinder to her friends at school
I’ve been there, Lindsay. It’s so frustrating. I feel like, as parents, we really want our kids to get it and understand how their actions affect others. My son was also very indifferent when kids were upset. It was hard to see, but I tried not to panic. I think empathy is one of those things that develops over time, and sometimes it’s not about how much we teach them, but how much they actually observe and internalize. My son, at 5, still has moments where he’s very focused on himself, and I think that’s pretty normal. I just keep reminding him about the feelings of others, even if it feels like it’s not sinking in right away. It’s just part of their growth
My son was the same at that age. He just didn’t seem to understand the idea of empathy at all, especially at daycare. It worried me, too. What worked for us was me explaining feelings through stories, books were a huge hit! I also started pointing out emotions when we were watching TV or movies. For example, “Look, that character is sad. Do you think their friend can help?” It slowly clicked for him. It can feel frustrating, but I promise, with time, they do get it!
Thank you all so much for the replies. It really helps to hear others have been through this and to know it’s not just me! I feel a bit more hopeful knowing that empathy can develop at its own pace. I’ll definitely try some of the tips you’ve mentioned, like using stories and examples. It feels reassuring to know this phase is just part of his growth. Thank you for all the support!
Lindsay, I’ve been through this with my older child. It’s completely normal at this age, especially with boys, they’re still figuring out social and emotional cues. I think you’re doing all the right things by modeling empathy yourself and talking about feelings. What helped me was talking about “perspective.” We’d play games where I’d ask them to think about what someone else might feel. Also, don’t underestimate the value of daycare in shaping social behavior. A lot of it just takes time and practice. You’re definitely on the right track!