A few days ago, at the park, I saw my 5 year old accidentally push a classmate while laughing, not even realizing he could’ve hurt her. The little girl looked so sad, and when he saw her face, he looked surprised, like he hadn’t even considered that she might feel pain from what he thought was just playing. I want him to be kind and respectful, but now I’m worried he doesn’t fully understand how his actions affect others, especially girls. How do I teach him this lesson without making him feel like he’s “bad” for being energetic?
Omg, this hits so close to home. My son is also super physical in his play, and I feel like I’m constantly saying, Be gentle! I think at this age, they’re just still learning cause and effect. But it’s so hard to see another child get hurt, even if it wasn’t intentional. Have you tried role, playing with him? I sometimes pretend I got hurt and exaggerate my reaction so my son can see how his actions might feel to someone else
Honestly, you’re already doing the most important thing, you noticed, you care, and you’re thinking about how to help him grow. That alone puts you ahead of the game! Kids this age are still figuring out empathy, and sometimes it just takes a few reminders and seeing the consequences of their actions to start making the connection. Keep having those small conversations, and it’ll click!
I’m so glad you posted this because I’ve been struggling with the same thing! My son is also rough when he plays with his sister, and I keep telling him to be gentle, but I don’t know if it’s really sinking in. Do you think it’s a boy thing? Like, is it just natural for them to be this way, or do we need to do more to teach them?
You’re not alone! This is a great age to start talking about kindness and body boundaries. He’ll get it with time!
I went through something similar with my son, and what helped was teaching him to “check in” after rough play. Every time he wrestled or bumped into someone, I’d remind him to ask, Are you okay? At first, I had to prompt him, but after a while, he started doing it on his own. It helped him be more aware of how his actions affect others. Another thing, kids sometimes respond better to stories than lectures. I found a few picture books about kindness and respecting others’ bodies, and those really helped! Hands Are Not for Hitting was a good one for us
My boys are a little older now (10 & 12), and I remember dealing with this exact issue when they were younger. It’s tough because at this age, they’re still learning impulse control and don’t always connect actions with consequences right away. One thing that worked for us was reinforcing the idea that strength should be used to protect, not to harm. We talked a lot about being “gentle giants” and how real strength means knowing when to be careful with others. Also, modeling respect in our own interactions helped, if they see Dad being gentle with their younger sibling, for example, they start to pick up on it. It takes time, but they do learn!
Wow, these are all so helpful! I love the idea of having him “check in” after rough play, I think that would really help him make the connection. And I’ll definitely look into those books! It’s good to know this is normal and that he’s still learning. Thank you all!