Yesterday, when I picked up my son, his teacher mentioned that a classmate had fallen while they were playing, and it seems my son had something to do with it. I was immediately concerned, but when I spoke to him, his version was different: According to him, the other child “got into” the game and tripped by himself.
I don’t want to assume my son was at fault, but I also don’t want to ignore the possibility that he may have participated in the accident without realizing it. Was it unintentional? Could he have been more careful? What worries me most is whether he really understands the impact of his actions. I know he’s still young, but I want to teach him to recognize his part in what’s happening around him.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? How do you help your kids understand accountability without making them feel like they’re always in the wrong?
My son is 6 now, but when he was 5, I remember having this exact worry! What helped me was focusing more on how he responded instead of getting stuck on was it his fault or not? At that age, they don’t always remember exactly what happened, but they can learn to ask, Are you okay? and to know how someone is doing when they get hurt. This creates that habit of awareness and empathy without making them feel guilty. Even now, if something happens at school, I’m more likely to step in and see if someone needs help instead of just walking away
Oh wow, this exact thing happened with my son last year when he was in preschool. One day, his teacher told me he had pushed another child, but when I talked to him, he swore they were just playing and the other kid slipped. It was tough because I didn’t want to accuse him, but I also wanted him to think about how his actions affect others. We started using a phrase at home, Did I make someone’s day better or worse? It helped him slow down and think about it more. It’s definitely a learning curve at this age!
Same here! My daughter once got into a little pushing match over a toy, and when I asked her about it, she said, I was just holding onto it, and they fell. 
Kids don’t always connect cause and effect yet, so what worked for us was using stories. We’d read books where characters accidentally hurt someone and talk about what they could do differently. Llama Llama Time to Share was a big one for us! Maybe something like that could help?
I’ve been through this stage with my son, and trust me, it’s just the beginning of how they learn to handle responsibility. What worked for us was using simple questions to guide the conversation: “What happened? How do you think the other person felt? What could you do next time?” That way, they don’t feel like they’re in trouble, but they start to think about their role in things. It took a while, but by the time I got to kindergarten, my son was much better at recognizing when they needed to slow down and be more careful