Sometimes I just wanna walk away and pretend I don’t hear it or tell him “stop crying it’s not that bad,” but I know that just makes it worse. It’s like the more I push him to calm down or touch him when he’s not ready, the more he flips out. I’m trying really hard not to make fun of what he’s feeling or say stuff like “that’s silly” even tho in my head I’m like “why are you screaming over a sock being twisted?”
He’s 4 and I know he’s not doing it to make me crazy (even tho it feels like it). I’m trying to be the calm one when he loses it but whew…it’s hard when it feels like it’s never gonna end. Anyone else feel like you’re walking on eggshells when they’re in meltdown mode? Like one wrong move and it’s 45 more minutes of screaming.
This is soooooo relatable omg. My kid was like this from 3, 6 and I swear there were months where I was scared to even look at her the wrong way during a meltdown. One time she lost it because the toast “sounded crunchy” and I offered her a hug and she screamed don´t touch me!!!” It’s wild how something meant to comfort can just fuel the fire. I started trying to co, regulate with her (therapist word I picked up lol) which basically meant I’d just sit near her and breathe out loud and not talk or touch her till she gave me some sign that she was ready. It worked… eventually. Not magic, but less chaos. I still messed up a lot. I still said things I regret. But the big shift came when I stopped seeing it as behavior to correct and more like emotions to ride through. Hang in there mama it won’t always be this loud
Yup. I get this. I’m right there with you. My 4yo has this cry that turns into a scream that turns into a full, on rage tornado and I literally feel my chest get tight just hearing it. It’s so hard because you want to help them but there’s nothing that works in the moment and the helplessness is just… brutal. I don’t have tips or fixes cuz honestly I’m still in it too and most days I feel like I’m failing. But reading your post made me feel less alone. Like I’m not crazy and this is really hard. So thanks for being honest. We’re all just trying to survive some days
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Hey Kathleen just wanted to say you’re doing so much right already by being aware of your reactions and trying not to minimize. That’s huge. I’ve been there and something that really helped us was teaching both of us a calm-down plan ahead of time. Like when he’s calm, we made a little calm corner together, he helped pick out pillows, a fidget toy, even made a sign. Then we practiced what to do when he gets upset. Not in the heat of it but later. Stuff like if I feel mad, I can stomp, or go to my corner, or tell mommy. It didn’t work every time but it gave us some direction.
Also, I started narrating what I saw instead of reacting, like your face is really red and your fists are tight, I see you’re mad. No judgment, no advice. Just naming the feeling seemed to ground him a little.
And honestly…learning to pause and not fix it instantly took work on me, not him. You’re doing amazing already by trying
My son is 7 now but reading this brings back allll the memories of his epic 3, 5yo meltdowns. I remember one time he screamed for almost an hour because the blue cup was dirty and the red one was “too red.” I used to panic like what am I doing wrong? But what you’re doing, learning to regulate your response, is everything.
What helped us long term was staying super consistent and being boring during tantrums. Like no yelling, no big reactions. I’d calmly say I’m here when you’re ready and sit down across the room with a book. Sometimes I’d wait 20+ mins. But over time he learned I was a safe space.
Now when he gets upset yes older kids still melt down sometimes, he asks for a break or tells me I need space. He didn’t learn that overnight. It was years of just…showing up.
It gets easier. It really does. Stay the course. You’re doing all the right stuff
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lol my 4yo once cried for 30 minutes because I peeled his banana wrong and then told me I ruined his whole day. He flopped face-down on the floor and refused to move. I tried picking him up and he went stiff like a board like those fainting goats. I had to walk away and laugh in the kitchen cuz omg what even was that??? These kids are unhinged sometimes I swear