She has always been a girl full of energy and joy, but today something in her eyes told me something was wrong. She sat in the living room, head down, and confessed that her grade at school wasn’t what I expected. I felt a lump in my throat hearing her words because I know how hard she tries and how important it is for her to feel proud of her achievements.
I hugged her and told her how much I love her, but I could tell she still felt like she let me down. My heart is so heavy, how do I help her understand that her worth isn’t tied to a number on a paper?
Oh wow, I know this feeling way too well. My son is also a little perfectionist, and it breaks my heart when he gets down on himself over school. One time, he got an 85 on a test and was so upset, even though I thought it was a great score! I think the hardest part is knowing they’re trying their best but still feeling like they failed.
Something I started doing was pointing out things he works hard at that aren’t academic, like how kind he is to his little brother or how he spent extra time on an art project. It helps shift the focus away from grades being the only measure of success. Maybe something like that could help your little one too?
Ugh, I feel this so much. It’s so hard to see them be so hard on themselves. My daughter got really down about a spelling test last month, and no amount of reassurance from me could change how she felt. It’s like their little hearts just have to process it.
You’re doing the right thing by being there for her. Sometimes, all we can do is remind them that they’re loved no matter what and let them work through the feelings. But man, it’s tough
You’re such a caring mama, and your little girl is lucky to have you. These moments are tough, but they also teach resilience. She’s learning that mistakes and setbacks are part of life, and with your support, she’ll come out stronger. Hang in there!
My oldest went through something similar, and one thing that really helped was creating a “proud board” at home. We made a little section on the fridge where she could put up anything she was proud of, not just school-related stuff. A picture she colored, a note about helping a friend, a new skill she learned…
It helped her see that her value wasn’t just about grades. Over time, she started recognizing her own growth rather than just focusing on the outcome. Maybe something like this could help your daughter?
This is so tough, but it sounds like your daughter is really motivated, which is actually a great quality! The trick is helping her reframe how she sees success.
Something that works well is process praise instead of outcome praise. Instead of saying, “I’m proud of you for getting a good grade,” try “I’m proud of you for working so hard on this.” That way, she sees that effort matters more than the number.
Also, if she’s really down, you can try a “success jar.” Every time she does something she’s proud of, big or small, she writes it down and puts it in the jar. When she’s feeling discouraged, she can pull out a note and remind herself of all the things she’s accomplished.
It takes time, but these little shifts in perspective can make a huge difference
This is so relatable. My 6 year old also gets upset when she doesn’t meet her own expectations. It’s hard to know when to comfort and when to encourage them to push through.
Do you think this pressure is coming from you, her teacher, or just herself? I ask because sometimes I wonder if my daughter is picking up on my own expectations even when I think I’m being supportive. It’s such a tricky balance
My oldest went through something similar, and one thing that really helped was creating a “proud board” at home. We made a little section on the fridge where she could put up anything she was proud of, not just school-related stuff. A picture she colored, a note about helping a friend, a new skill she learned…
It helped her see that her value wasn’t just about grades. Over time, she started recognizing her own growth rather than just focusing on the outcome. Maybe something like this could help your daughter?
Oh mama, I’ve been there. My daughter is 13 now, but when she was 6, she used to cry if she didn’t get everything right on a test. It was heartbreaking.
Looking back, I realize a lot of her stress came from wanting to please me. I never thought I was putting pressure on her, but kids pick up on everything. What helped over the years was changing how we talked about success. Instead of “Did you do well on your test?” I started asking, “What did you learn today?” or “What was the most interesting thing you did?”
Now, at 12, she still works hard but doesn’t tie her self, worth to a grade. Your little one will get there too, especially with such a thoughtful mom guiding her
Oh man, this hit home. My son is the same way, and it’s so hard watching them beat themselves up over grades. He once got a lower grade than expected and actually hid the paper from me because he was scared I’d be disappointed. That moment made me realize he cared way more about my reaction than the grade itself.
Since then, I’ve made it a point to talk more about how learning is about growing, not just getting things right. I even started sharing my own mistakes, like the time I burned dinner or forgot an appointment, so he sees that messing up is normal.
It hasn’t been an overnight fix, but I’ve seen a shift. He still cares about his grades, but he doesn’t see them as a measure of his worth anymore. Your little girl will get there too, especially with a mom who’s this invested in her happiness. 