He’s 5 years old and a good kid, but the other day I heard him laughing with some friends about another kid because he wears big glasses. I was worried. I don’t want him to be someone who makes others feel bad or who supports those who do.
That night we talked. I explained to him that laughing with others when they tease someone is also bullying. He looked at me confused. But mom, I didn’t say anything mean to him, he said. I asked him how he would feel if they pointed at him and laughed at him. He stayed quiet.
I think he understood, but now I’m wondering, how do I make sure this really sticks? How do you teach such a young child about kindness in a way that really resonates with them?
Oof, this is such a tough one. My son did something similar when he was about 6, laughing along when other kids made fun of a classmate’s lisp. I was shocked because I know he’s a sweet, empathetic kid. But when we talked, he genuinely didn’t see it as mean, he just thought he was going along with the group.
What helped was watching movies and reading books with strong kindness themes. Wonder (the kids’ version) really clicked for him. Afterward, we talked about how the characters felt in different situations. It was a slow process, but I saw a shift in how he started standing up for kids rather than just following the crowd.
You’re doing the right thing by having these talks. At 5, they’re still figuring out social dynamics, but the fact that you’re guiding him through it means he’s on the right track
I totally get your concern! I work in early childhood education, and I’ve seen this kind of situation a lot. 5 year olds are still learning what kindness looks like in action, and sometimes they need really concrete examples to understand.
Something that works well is kindness role-playing. Basically, act out little scenes where you play the kid being laughed at and let your son practice different responses. Show him what standing up for someone could look like, like saying, “Hey, that’s not nice” or even just not laughing and changing the subject. It’s like muscle memory, if he practices it, he’ll be more likely to do it in real life.
Also, reinforcing positive behavior works wonders. If you notice him being kind or including someone, point it out! Like, That was really nice of you to invite that kid to play. Praise helps it stick.
It’s a learning curve, but it sounds like you’re handling it beautifully. 