I tried something simple. One afternoon, before he started his homework, I said, “Let’s make a plan. What do you need to do first?” The next day, I helped him break down a big project into smaller steps. He got frustrated quickly, wanting to do it all at once without thinking. But when he saw it broken down into parts, he breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s easier that way.” We’re still in the process, but I can see this is something we really need to work on. I worry I’m asking too much of him, but at the same time, these are skills he needs. How do I help without overwhelming him?
Omg I went through this with my 11yo last year. It’s like they just want to power through everything, even if it’s a total mess. I started using a whiteboard where we write out the plan together, my kid still groans about it, but I swear it helps. Even just seeing it all laid out seems to calm the panic. You’re doing great, and it will click for him with time
My 9yo does the same thing, getting totally overwhelmed by big tasks but then fighting me when I try to help break them down. It’s exhausting. I wish schools taught this more explicitly because I feel like I’m trying to figure it out as I go
You’re not asking too much, but it’s a process. My kid (now 12) struggled with this too, and we had a lot of meltdowns over homework. What finally helped? Giving choices. Instead of just saying “What do you need to do first?” I’d say, “Do you want to start with the easiest part or the hardest part?” Having some control made it easier for them to engage. Also, timers! Short bursts of focus with a break in between made a huge difference
It gets better, I promise. My now-teenager had zero organization skills at 11, and I remember feeling like I was dragging him through every project. We leaned hard on checklists and calendars. Now, at 15, he’s actually pretty independent with planning. It took time, but the work you’re doing now is laying the foundation. Keep at it, and be patient with both him and yourself.
Something that helped my kid was visual schedules. We made a simple checklist with boxes to tick off, and it turned frustration into a game. Also, using “if, then” statements: “If we finish the outline, then we’ll take a snack break.” It keeps motivation up without it feeling like nagging
Wow, these replies are so helpful. I hadn’t thought about letting him choose which part to start with or using timers, but those might really help. And I love the idea of a whiteboard or visual checklist. I think I need to remind myself that this is a long game, not something he’s going to master overnight. THX, everyone!