Every single morning it’s a battle. He cries, screams, clings to me like I’m leaving him in a dungeon or something. I’m trying not to take it personally but it feels personal. And I feel stuck. I can’t quit my job but I also can’t stand to see him so scared or upset. I don’t even know if it’s something happening at daycare or if it’s just separation anxiety.
Some days I cave and keep him home. Then I feel like a bad mom for letting him miss a routine he probably needs. Other days I walk away with him sobbing and it just haunts me all day at work.
I just… I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m exhausted. Mentally, emotionally. I feel like I’m failing either way
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please someone tell me how to make it stop my daughter is the same exact way and i’m literally crying right now reading this cause it feels like you’re talking about my life
omg same here
i swear every morning it’s like i’m breaking his little heart and i start questioning everything
what if it’s the daycare? or the teacher? or the other kids? or what if it’s just that he’s 3 and this is just his way of dealing?
idk if it’s better to push through or if i’m damaging him by forcing it ugh
has anyone actually asked the daycare staff about this?? do they say he’s fine after dropoff or is he upset all day??
mine apparently stops crying 5 min after i leave and then has a great day but i don’t see that part so it’s hard to believe
anyone tried shadowing or staying a bit longer in the morning to ease the transition??
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Hey mama just wanted to share what helped with my twins who both went thru this stage HARD around age 3. We started doing what we called “predictable mornings.” We set up a visual schedule (like laminated cards with pics of breakfast, brushing teeth, getting in the car, daycare building, goodbye hug) and reviewed it every morning and night. It helped soooo much just giving them a sense of what to expect and when.
Also, we talked a LOT about feelings during calmer times. Like “sometimes you feel sad when mommy leaves, huh?” and “what helps you feel better when you’re sad?”
At daycare we coordinated with the teacher to have a routine ready, like he walks in, puts bag in cubby, gives high five, then goes straight to sensory bin. Predictability really helped.
And for me honestly it helped to know that separation anxiety peaks around 3, 4 and then starts to ease with consistency. I had to remind myself he was safe even if he was crying and that part was temporary. Hang in there. You’re not failing, you’re adjusting
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lol ok so not laughing at your situation cause yes been there too many times but just wanted to share this moment that still makes me shake my head
my kid once clung to the car seat so hard while screaming “DON’T MAKE ME GO” that I legit thought a neighbor was gonna call CPS on me
like full meltdown in the driveway, people walking dogs were staring, I was sweating through my work clothes
but when I picked him up later? he was smiling, holding some art project like nothing happened
I asked him what he did today and he goes “we played unicorn zoo and I had crackers”
so yeah… sometimes their emotions are real but the cause isn’t always what we think it is
I’ve stopped trying to “fix” the dropoff and instead try to make the goodbye short and confident
like “I love you, see you after nap” kiss, then hand off to the teacher and go even if he’s crying
they need us to believe they’re safe, even when they don’t
hang in there… and maybe warn the neighbors lol
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Ugh I hear the pain in your post so clearly and I just wanna say you’re not alone in that feeling
this age is hard
you’re not doing anything wrong
3 is like… big feelings in tiny bodies
they can’t regulate, they can’t always explain what’s going on, and YOU are their safe space
so when they’re melting down it’s because they feel safe enough to let it all out
that doesn’t make it any easier tho, especially when your heart is breaking at the door and you gotta go act like a professional adult at work
I don’t have the answer
I just wanted to say I see you
you’re not failing
you’re a good mom doing her best with a little human still figuring it out
and that’s enough
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My son went thru a similar rough patch when he was 3.5 and dropoffs were literal chaos. Crying, screaming, refusing to get out of the car, full meltdown city. It got better with 3 things:
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Transitional object: He started bringing a small stuffed animal from home that stayed in his cubby. Just knowing it was there helped.
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Goodbye ritual: We made a handshake (silly one with a spin and a high five at the end), said the same short phrase every day (“Have a fun day! I’ll see you when the sun moves!”), then I’d leave. Consistency helped him predict the moment.
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Teacher partnership: I asked the teacher to greet him at the door and physically help the handoff so I could keep my goodbye short.
It took a few rough weeks, but he eventually adjusted. His teacher also started sending me a pic 10 minutes after dropoff to show me he was calm and engaged. That helped my guilt so much.
Just wanted to say: this won’t last forever. With time, support, and routine, it really does get easier.