Coparenting with my ex has always been a bit of a balancing act but in general I think we have managed well and the kids have been doing really well at home and at school. We have joint custody and each have them 50% of the time. Kids are 7 and 5. Been divorced for 3 and a half. Now I have a new partner for the first time since the divorce… we’ve been together for 6 months now, it’s serious and I want to introduce her to the kids but my ex wife doesn’t agree, she thinks its too soon and doesn’t want to discuss it more. This really surprised me because until now almost everything had been really smooth. I really want to them to meet her and she does too. Any advice on how to keep talking to my ex about this? It feels like every conversation has the potential to blow up. The last thing I want is for the kids to get caught in the middle of this but I do think its good for them to see their dad’s happy. Would appreciate any tips!
I’ve been where you are, and it’s definitely not easy, especially when a new partner comes into the picture. What worked for us—and I swear it saved my sanity—was creating a shared calendar that was just about the kids. We used Google Calendar, but there are some co-parenting apps that might work better for you if you need something more structured. The key was that we both could add events, school things, extracurricular activities, doctor’s appointments, all of that. It kept the focus where it needed to be—on the kids—and reduced the need for long back-and-forth conversations that could quickly turn emotional. Plus, it gave us both a sense of control, which helped ease the tension. And for me, it was a relief knowing I didn’t have to rely on my memory to keep track of everything! This way, nothing got missed, and it actually gave us more time to focus on the kids’ well-being instead of logistics.
The other thing that helped was keeping our communication mostly through text or email when things were tense. I found that face-to-face or phone calls were just too emotional and often led to unnecessary conflict. With texts or emails, I had the chance to really think about my responses before sending them. It took a lot of the heat out of our conversations, which made everything feel more manageable. Give yourself some grace—co-parenting is hard enough as it is, and you’re doing your best to keep your kids in the center of it all.
I also found that setting up a weekly check-in with my ex helped. We would talk once a week, usually on Sundays, and go over the kids’ schedules, any concerns, and anything else that was relevant to the upcoming week. That way, we didn’t have to constantly communicate every day, which reduced the chances of things turning into a drama fest. It was also helpful to know that there was a set time to talk about everything instead of letting things pile up. The more structure you can have in the co-parenting dynamic, the easier it will be. And honestly, sometimes having a third party (like a therapist) helps too, especially if you find yourself stuck in the same emotional patterns. You’re already taking the right steps by focusing on the kids. Keep that mindset, and you’ll figure out what works best for you and your family.
Co-parenting can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions, especially when you have a new partner involved. It’s great that you’re thinking about how to handle this in a way that keeps the kids front and center. When my ex and I first started co-parenting, it was really tricky at first because we didn’t have any kind of structure. Every conversation felt like it could turn into a fight. What made a huge difference for us was setting very clear boundaries. For example, we agreed to only talk about the kids and not bring up personal issues during those conversations. It took some getting used to, but once we did, things became a lot smoother.
Another thing that helped us was getting a therapist involved—not necessarily for mediation, but to learn how to communicate better. I can’t recommend it enough. Sometimes it’s not about the logistics; it’s about how emotions can sneak into even the most practical conversations. We learned to use “I” statements and focus on the kids’ needs rather than our own feelings. That really changed the dynamic for us. We were no longer trying to “win” the conversation, we were working together as a team, even if we weren’t together as a couple. It helped me reframe the way I viewed co-parenting – as a long-term partnership for the kids, not a continuation of the romantic relationship we had before. I hope this helps and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!