This morning was tough. My son didn’t want to wake up for daycare; he was asking for a little more time to sleep. I was already in a hurry and got desperate. I ended up scolding him instead of being patient. And now I can’t stop thinking about his sad little face, that maybe he was just very tired, that maybe he just needed a hug instead of my frustration.
I know mornings are chaotic, but he’s only 4. I want to be his refuge, not the reason he wakes up upset. I feel terrible. How do I stop feeling like such a bad mother?
I get it, mornings are hard. My son used to resist waking up every day, and I’d get cranky because we had to go to the bathroom. One thing that helped was changing our routine: going to bed 15 minutes earlier even when he resisted, waking up 10 minutes earlier so we were less rushed, and using a wake, up light so he wouldn’t drag me out of bed. Also, I started hugging him to wake him up instead of just telling him to get up. What a change!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You had a rough time. Tomorrow is a new opportunity.
Oh, I’ve been exactly where you are, and my son is all grown up now. Let me tell you: your kid won’t remember this one morning. But you will, because that’s what we do as parents. We hold on to guilt much more than they do.
Something I started doing when mine were little was saying, “Hey, I wasn’t at my best this morning. I’m sorry I got frustrated.” It was a way to model that I make mistakes too and that our relationship is still safe.
Another thing that helped? Music in the morning. I let them pick a song and we woke up together. It tempered the euphoria and made it a little less miserable for everyone. Try something small like that; you might be surprised.
Oh, Mom, I feel every word of this. That guilt hits you like a truck, doesn’t it? I’ve had so many moments where I’ve snapped because I was overwhelmed, and then I’ve spent the rest of the day mulling it over in my head. And then I’d think, lt’s only small once, why couldn’t I have been more patient? But the truth is, we’re not robots. We’re mothers doing the best we can with what we have right now.
What helps me when I get into a spiral like this is remembering all the other moments. The hugs, the bedtime stories, the whispers of l love you, Mommy. A rushed, stressful morning doesn’t erase all that love. It just doesn’t.
If you’re still feeling bad, maybe you could give him a few extra hugs tonight. Tell him you love him. That’s what he’ll remember most.
I have this exact same issue with my daughter. She hates waking up, and honestly, I feel like I rush her too much. But how do we strike a balance between being patient and, you know, getting out the door? I’ve tried everything: earlier bedtimes, wake-up lights, rewards, and still, some mornings are chaotic.
Do you think your child is naturally a slower wake-up person? Or is it more separation anxiety or something else? I wonder if figuring out why she struggles might help us figure out what she needs
One thing that helped us was a visual morning schedule: pictures of what happens next waking up, going to the bathroom, getting dressed, eating, going outside. It helped my son feel like he had some control instead of me just ordering him around. Also, I started asking him the night before: Do you want two or three songs to wake up to? Small decisions like that made him feel like he had to say something
Maybe try something like that? It took a while, but the mornings became much smoother once he felt like he was part of the process
