It’s like everything we had worked for has fallen apart. Now, if I say no to something, he throws himself on the floor screaming or starts kicking. It hurts me to see him like this and I’m worried about not knowing how to handle him. I know his grandparents adore him, but I feel like being so pushy has thrown him out of control. How do I set limits again without this becoming a daily war?
Ugh, I feel this so much. My daughter is 3, and every time her grandparents visit, she comes back with this “queen of the world” attitude. They let her do whatever she wants, and then I have to be the bad guy. It’s SO hard to set boundaries when they’ve just been showered with love and freedom. One thing that helped us was having a “reset” week where I gave extra cuddles but also reinforced the rules consistently. It was exhausting, but after a few days, she started to adjust. Hang in there, it does get better!
You’ve got this, mama. It might take time, but he’ll adjust back. Consistency is key!
Oh, I know how frustrating this can be. My son, also 4, had a similar reaction after his last birthday when he got spoiled with gifts and attention. It felt like we were starting from scratch. I don’t have a magic solution, but I just wanted to say you’re not alone in this. Sometimes, parenting is just surviving one meltdown at a time
I went through this with my kids last year, and it was rough. What worked for us was creating a visual schedule with clear rules and rewards. For example, if they follow the rule “no kicking or yelling,” they get a sticker. After five stickers, they’d earn a small privilege, like choosing dessert or extra storytime. It helped reinforce boundaries without feeling like constant punishment. Another thing that helped was prepping the grandparents for future visits. We explained our expectations (gently) and asked them to help us reinforce our rules rather than undermine them
THX you all so much. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone, and I’m definitely going to try some of these tips, especially the visual schedule and tantrum box ideas! 
I feel like grandparents have their own rulebook, lol. My MIL is the queen of “Oh, it’s just one more cookie” or “They’re only little once!” and it drives me insane. What helped us was having a heart-to-heart with them. I explained that when they break the rules, it makes things harder for me because kids don’t understand the context—they just see someone letting them do what they want. It wasn’t an easy convo, but now they’re (mostly) on board. On the tantrum side, I also found that giving my son choices, like “You can either calm down and talk, or sit quietly in your room”, helped him feel like he had some control. It’s not perfect, but it’s a work in progress
Omg, same here! My 4 year old turned into a different kid after Christmas. Is it just the age, or are grandparents secretly plotting to make us crazy? 
I’m curious, does your son still behave well with others, like at preschool or playdates? Mine does fine there but falls apart at home
I’ve got older kids now (8 and 10), but I totally remember this stage. Kids at this age are testing boundaries and figuring out what they can get away with, it’s normal, even if it feels like a disaster. What helped us was focusing on teaching emotional regulation. When they had a tantrum, I’d say something like, “I see you’re upset. Let’s take some deep breaths together.” It took time, but now they’re much better at expressing themselves without screaming. And as for grandparents, I used to worry about being “mean,” but I learned that being firm and clear is actually better for everyone in the long run
I read somewhere that big emotional outbursts often follow periods of overstimulation, like holidays. Kids feel a little out of control and act out because they don’t have the tools to process all those feelings. Maybe try building a calming bedtime routine, like a warm bath, reading, and some quiet time. Also, I started using a “tantrum box” with my kids. It’s filled with sensory toys and calming activities they can use when they’re upset. It gives them something to focus on instead of spiraling into a full meltdown