Hey everyone, I really need advice. My 5 year old has been having issues on playdates lately. When they get frustrated, they sometimes hit or bite, and it’s starting to affect their friendships. I feel awful, like I’m failing as a parent. I don’t know if this is just a phase or if I need to step in more firmly to stop it. How do I handle this in a way that helps them grow? I’m at a loss and just want to do the right thing.
Andrew, I’ve been there. My oldest went through a biting phase at 4, and I felt so embarrassed during playdates. What helped us was practicing “gentle hands” at home and reinforcing what kind behavior looks like during calm moments. We also started talking a lot about feelings: What do you feel when you want to bite? It didn’t fix things overnight, but it really helped them recognize their emotions before lashing out. Hang in there you’re not alone!
Totally normal. My kid went through this too, and it felt endless, but it got better with time. You’re doing fine!
Hey Andrew, this hit home for me. My son went through something similar, and it felt so overwhelming. I worried constantly that he’d never make friends. What worked for us was focusing on teaching him alternatives to handle frustration. I’d role-play situations with him, like pretending I was a friend who took his toy, and we’d practice saying things like, I don’t like that! or can I have a turn when you’re done?
Another tip: keep playdates short and sweet. If they start to get tired or overstimulated, the hitting and biting can escalate. It’s not always about fixing it on the spot; sometimes it’s about setting them up for success. It gets better, promise.
I’ve been dealing with this too, but my kid is only 3. Did your little one go through anything similar at that age? I’m curious if this is just something that happens again later or if it’s different for everyone.
Andrew, I feel for you. My 12 year old had a rough time with this at age 5, and it felt like we’d never get through it. What helped was focusing on empathy—when they hurt someone, I’d ask them to look at how the other child felt and say How can we make this better? It wasn’t about punishment, but about understanding their actions.
Now that they’re older, they’re one of the most empathetic kids I know. These early lessons stick, even if they don’t feel like it at the time. Keep showing up for your little one. you’re doing a great job!
Oh, we’ve ALL been there. Toddlers and preschoolers have a lot of big feelings and not enough tools yet. It’s tough, but it’ll pass.
Hi Andrew! It’s definitely a phase for a lot of kids, though that doesn’t make it easier to handle. What helped us was praising the good behaviors we wanted to see. After a playdate where my kid didn’t hit, we’d say something like, i noticed you used kind hands today! I’m so proud of you! Positive reinforcement was a game-changer.
I know exactly how you feel, Andrew. My son used to hit when he got frustrated, and I felt like everyone judged me. One thing I learned is that it’s not about “discipline” so much as teaching. Kids this age are still learning to regulate their emotions, and they need us to guide them.
We started using a feelings chart at home, pointing to it when he seemed frustrated or upset. It helped him put words to his emotions instead of lashing out. We also practiced “time-ins” instead of time-outs, sitting with him when he got upset and talking through it. It wasn’t easy, but the change over time was incredible. You’re doing the best you can, and that matters so much.
Hi Andrew, I know this may feel like the end of the world right now, but trust me, it gets better. My kids had aggressive phases, and I remember feeling very defeated. We found books about feelings to be very helpful. Stories like Hands Are Not For Hitting opened up conversations about how to handle frustration without getting physical.
I also want to reassure you: kids are resilient, and so are friendships at this age. One of my twins is now 8 and has amazing friendships, although they were the most bitter in preschool. You are a great parent for wanting to address this, and your son will come out of this stronger.
Oh man, Andrew, your post brought back memories of when my now-teenager was 5. She used to lash out during playdates too, and I remember feeling like the worst parent ever. We worked with her teacher on building her “emotion vocabulary,” which helped her explain how she felt instead of hitting.
Another thing we tried was setting up a safe “break spot” during playdates. If she got overwhelmed, she could go sit there with some books or toys to calm down. It taught her to self-regulate instead of escalating. It’s hard now, but you’re laying the groundwork for them to handle big emotions later. It’ll pay off, I promise.
Try using social stories! They worked wonders for us. They’re simple little stories that teach kids what’s expected in different situations.
Andrew, I’ve been through this with my youngest, who’s now 9. It’s hard to see in the moment, but these things do pass. The key is consistency. When my son hit, we’d immediately stop play and say, We don’t hit because it hurts. Then we’d guide him toward a better response. Over time, he learned to express himself with words instead of actions. Keep at it; you’re teaching them lifelong skills.
It’s so hard. You’re doing great by even asking for advice. Keep going! you’ve got this!