So we’re planning to go out this weekend and leave the kids with my parents. But I’m worried about how to handle their eating and sleep therapy. My parents love them, but they tend to overindulge. My son has a bedtime routine, and if it’s broken, it takes days to get back to normal. Plus, I try to get them to eat healthy, but with the grandparents, I know there will be cookies and ice cream. How can I explain without seeming bossy? I don’t want to ruin their fun, but I also don’t want to deal with days of being out of control
Ugh, I totally get this My mom is the best grandma, but she also thinks one night of fun doesn’t hurt… except it does The sugar highs, the skipped naps, the late bedtimes, it all comes back to haunt me the next dad What’s worked for me is giving her specific fun snacks to offer instead, like yogurt with fruit or homemade popsicles. And for bedtime, I frame it as he sleeps better, so he has more energy to play with you tomorrow. Helps a little. Not perfect, but better than nothing!
Oh, this is so frustrating. It’s like grandparents have this secret mission to undo all our hard parenting work lol. I feel you on the bedtime struggles, when my kid’s schedule gets thrown off, it’s a disaster for days. And the food… yeah, my MIL once gave my toddler three cupcakes before dinner and was like, He was hungry! No kidding.
I wish I had a magic solution, but honestly, I’ve just learned to let go a little. I pick my battles now. Like, I’ll remind them about bedtime being important, but I’ve stopped fighting over snacks unless it’s a major issue. It’s still annoying, but at least it saves me the stress of arguing every time
Okay, this is such a real struggle. How do you actually enforce the bedtime thing?? I try to be super clear with my parents about it, but they always have an excuse, he wasn’t tired yet," "we were watching a movie, he wanted to cuddle like, yeah, obviously, he’s 4!. I feel like I can’t make them follow the routine when I’m not there. What’s worked for you?
I’ve been there. My son is older now, but when he was little, I used to stress out a lot trying to keep everything exactly the same as I had at home. And honestly? That made things difficult for everyone, including me. Here’s the story.
helped:
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Pick non-negotiables. For me, that was bedtime (within reason). I told my parents, “He needs to be in bed by X time because otherwise, the next day is really rough on him.” Framing it as something for the child’s well-being, rather than a rule they had to follow, helped a lot.
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Give them “yes” moments. I knew they were going to give him treats, so I just asked them to do it earlier in the day instead of right before bed. That way, at least the sugar crash wasn’t happening at bedtime.
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Lower expectations. Grandparents are always going to bend the rules—it’s part of their job lol. I learned to accept that bedtime might be a little later, and he might have some extra sugar, and I’d just adjust the next day.
It gets easier, I promise
I’ve actually had some success setting boundaries with my parents, but it took a little trial and error. What worked for me:
Prepping them beforehand. A few days before, I’d casually mention how important the bedtime routine is. Not in a “you better follow this” way, but more like, “We’ve noticed when he doesn’t sleep on time, he really struggles the next few days.” Kind of plants the idea without sounding bossy.
Giving them a “script.” If my parents had trouble saying no to treats, I’d give them an alternative: “Oh, Mommy said we should have fruit first!” It gave them a way to redirect without feeling like the bad guy.
Making it positive. Instead of saying, “Don’t give him sugar before bed,” I’d say, “If he gets a good sleep, he’ll be in such a great mood for more playtime with you tomorrow!” I swear, grandparents love anything that makes them the hero.
It’s never perfect, but these tweaks made a big difference for us!
So I’ve been dealing with this exact issue for a while, and I’ve found a few things that really help:
Write it down. A simple note with bedtime routine and preferred snacks makes it easier for grandparents to follow without feeling like you’re hovering. I phrase it like a helpful guide, not a set of rules.
Give options instead of demands. Instead of saying, No sugar before bed," try, If he wants a treat, can you give him one of these list some approved options? Grandparents love feeling like they’re still making the decisions.
Let some things go. I totally get that you don’t want chaos for days, but if they stay up a little later or have a little more sugar, is there a way you can balance it out the next day? More outside time, extra hydration, quiet time earlier in the evening? Sometimes compensating afterward is easier than fighting it in the moment.
Hope some of this helps!