Lately it’s been so hard. Every time I tell my 4 y/o he can’t use his cell phone, it’s a full-blown meltdown. He screams like he’s in pain, cries so hard, throws himself on the floor and it just… breaks me. I try to stay firm because I don’t want him glued to a screen all day, but seeing him like that makes me feel like the worst mom in the world. I start second guessing myself like maybe I’m being too harsh?? I just want him to learn boundaries, but it’s so hard to watch him suffer when I know I could make it stop by just handing the phone over. Anyone else been through this??
she acts like the world is ending when I say no phone. The screams are so loud I’m sure the neighbors think I’m torturing her lol. I’ve cried in the bathroom a few times after standing my ground. It’s sooo hard when they look at you with those sad eyes like you’re ruining their life. But I think what you’re doing matters. Screens are just so addictive, even for us, right? I’ve been trying to stick to a routine where she knows what times she’s allowed to use it and it’s helped a little, like she still protests but doesn’t go nuclear every time. Hang in there mama, you’re not alone. We’re all doing the best we can with this screen madness
I went through this with my son, who is now 7, and I remember the guilt very well. But now that he’s older, I see that it was worth it. He still gets screen time, but he no longer gets lost when it’s over because he knows it’s only part of his day, not all of it.
One thing that helped us a lot was having a visual timer and using picture schedules. We would say there were 10 minutes left and point to the timer so he could see the countdown. We also started calling it “screen change time” instead of “no more” because it helped to reframe the moment. I know it seems like a small thing, but the words changed things a lot.
Also give yourself grace, this parenting thing is no joke and you are doing something really hard right now. The fact that it hurts means your heart is in the right place. It gets easier. I promise
Hi Stacy, I have faced this same cycle of tantrums and wanted to share what worked for us. At that age, screen time = dopamine, so when you take it away, their brains literally panic. It’s not that they’re bad, it’s that they don’t know how to regulate themselves yet.
What helped us the most:
- Establish a set schedule: the same times every day for screen use, so it’s predictable.
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- Use a visual timer: we use the Time Timer, a total game changer.
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- Give a 2 minute warning before the end of the screen time to prepare them.
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- Have a transition activity ready, such as a coloring book, stickers or a sensory cube. Something fun but without a screen.
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- Name the emotions out loud: I can see you’re very sad because the phone is going away. It’s hard. This helps them feel understood.
Consistency is key, and I know it sucks at first, but in a few weeks the tantrums calm down. Also, don’t feel guilty: you’re giving your child a skill that will serve them forever. That’s love
Ugh yes we are in this phase too and I honestly don’t understand how it got so bad? I didn’t even think he used the phone that much and now it’s like a meltdown every time I take it away from him. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve messed up somewhere or if it’s just what 4 year olds do. I don’t even remember it being like this when I was a kid