He’s 4 and I’ve been really struggling with feeling connected to him lately. I work during the week so weekends are “our time” and I try to make them feel calm and fun without going overboard. But sometimes it feels like I’m just keeping him busy and not really with him if that makes sense?
I’ve noticed when I plan little “adventures” like treasure hunts in the yard or making a sheet fort in the living room, he’s super into it and forgets about the tablet completely. Cooking together helps too, even if it gets messy. I started putting my phone away when we’re together and wow the difference is huge—he engages more and I don’t feel like I’m constantly distracted.
Still, there’s this lingering guilt like I should be doing more or “better” with the time we have. I’m trying so hard to create moments that matter but I just don’t know if it’s working. Anyone else feel like this?
Hi Lauren, your post hit home big time. I’m a SAHM and still feel this tug-of-war with quality vs quantity. One thing that’s helped me massively is having a loose weekend rhythm rather than a schedule. For example: Saturday mornings are always outside time (even if it’s just the backyard), mid-morning we do something creative like painting or playdough, and then afternoons we keep low-key with books or a movie if needed. Having this “predictable flow” made my kid feel secure and somehow helped us connect better even during simple stuff
Another thing, we do a weekly “yes time” where for 30 minutes, he gets to pick whatever we do (within reason) Sometimes it’s silly dancing or washing toy cars in the sink, but that uninterrupted time where I say yes to all his ideas has been magic. And don’t underestimate the power of sitting on the floor and playing, no phones, no background TV, just being on their level. You’re doing a beautiful job, even just by caring this much
This is like reading my own thoughts. My daughter’s 5 now but when she was 4, weekends were rough. I’d plan all these Pinterest-y activities and she’d lose interest in 10 mins then ask for YouTube. I’d feel totally defeated like… what am I doing wrong?
What helped us was just dropping the “performance parenting” mindset and getting down on the floor, literally. If she wanted to stack blocks or pretend the couch was a volcano, I went all in And you’re right about the phone, I noticed every time I scrolled, she’d start acting out just to get my attention back Once I started leaving it in another room, things got better fast Not perfect, but better
Also… don’t discount the “boring” stuff. Grocery runs, folding laundry, even cleaning the car, if I included her, she felt important and we’d end up having the best convos or giggle fits over nothing. Kids don’t always need big moments They just need us. You’re definitely connecting more than you think
Same here… I work full-time too and weekends are when I try to “make up for” being so busy during the week I totally get that feeling of doing things but not always connecting We’ve done obstacle courses in the house and turned the couch into a pirate ship just to avoid screen time, and sometimes it’s magical and sometimes it’s just… meh I started journaling a little on Sunday nights, just writing down what made him smile or laugh that weekend. It helps me remember the small wins and realize we are connecting, even if it doesn’t always feel perfect in the moment, You’re definitely not alone
I’m in the exact same season, my son’s 4 too and it’s like trying to figure out this delicate dance of stimulation vs downtime every single weekend. I love your idea of doing indoor adventures… I never thought of a treasure hunt inside the house but omg he’d probably go wild for that How do you come up with the ideas? Do you plan them out or just go with the flow?
Also curious, do you ever feel like after a “big” morning activity, they just crash emotionally later in the day? Like we’ll have a super connected morning, and then the afternoon turns into whining and meltdowns, and it makes me question if I overdid it I wonder if that’s normal?
Anyway thanks for posting this, it really helps to hear from someone else trying to be present without burning out
I relate so much to what you’re saying I’m a therapist and a mom of two, and this “connection vs stimulation” balance is something I hear about constantly. What you’re doing sounds exactly right for a 4 year old. These early years thrive on simplicity and presence You don’t need to entertain 24/7, just showing up and being emotionally available is huge
One tip I give a lot is to create a “connection ritual” that your child can count on every weekend It could be as simple as pancakes together every Sunday, or a walk where you both collect cool rocks Rituals create safe space and trust, even when everything else feels chaotic
Also, let him lead sometimes, if he sets up a game or starts a story, lean into it fully That back-and-forth is where the connection really builds. Keep doing the crayon bag, the treasure hunts, the no phone rule, that stuff matters. And when you feel unsure, remind yourself connection isn’t always a sparkly moment, it’s often quiet, repetitive, and invisible until years later